You Guys Are All DISGUSTING!

So hey …uh people…if ur reading. What’s up? It’s been a while but I’ve been a bit busy crossing my fingers and fighting the anxiety that comes with the waiting game. I may or may not have a future…lol I might get a job.You get it.

But I have a bit of an interesting story that I’m going to tell in my own special way. I don’t know. It all just happened. Thank God I’m around good people.

So I went to this friend’s house party on a weekend. I was told the atmosphere was less dancing more drinking.  I go in. They’re playing beer pong. I get the one drink I plan to have for the night. I get the invite to play. Sensing the hesitancy, I was told that if I don’t like beer I could put whatever I want. My other friend and I decided to play at least one game and I had the bright idea of putting baccardi in the cups. We lost so we chatted the rest of the night. At some point the whole party gets together to play flip cup boys vs. girls….and all was fine.  And then…

I woke up…..In the coat closet.

I awake to the sounds of the most violent heaving and hurling I have ever heard in my life. I thought the man was dying. “HUUUUUUUUGHH! UUUUUGGH!” Meanwhile I am wondering “Why am I sleeping on the floor?” “Why am I wet?”  and then I realize I have a pillow on my head and a blanket thrown on me. I see there’s a trash bag nearby. “Oh” I now understood what had happened.

Being that I was among friends and not ready to deal with whatever was going on, I decided to get comfortable and fall asleep again.

Then perhaps only a few hours later I wake up on my own and it was completely silent. I decided to get up.

As soon as I walked towards the living room I noticed it was trashed. People were sleeping on the floor and my two friends I came with were asleep on the futon.

I decided to go to the bathroom. Not that I really had to but I was lucky I had brought some pajamas. I wanted to change into them being that I must have been laying in my own puke for a while. The door was half closed so I open the door to find that someone must have thrown up all over the floor. It looked like there was poo too. It was just disgusting. Someone tried to half ass clean it with some towels so I just saw a lot of smears. “Well! never mind the bathroom” I thought.

And as I’m about to leave, I get a glimpse of what looked like someone laying in the bathtub. I go to check and there’s a guy laying sleeping in the bathtub, no pants, no briefs, just a shirt.

I go to walk back to the living room and I see the view of the apartment. Wow, I didn’t realize the whole wall was a window so the view looked really nice at around sunrise. I checked my phone and it was about 650am. I took a picture.

Then I had to turn around and take this one.

I hear ” are you okay enough to sleep on the futon?” I turn around. It’s my friend. She had just woken up.

“What happened in the bathroom?” I ask.

She whispers “Oh my god, let me tell you. Ok so I decided to go to the bathroom. When I went to open the door I see the guy face down, ass up, pants down around his ankles PASSED OUT. I mean I was face to face with his crack. hahaha”

We both laugh. She continues.

“Apparently he must have been taking a shit, passed out in the middle of it, rolled… off the toilet, and continued to shit on the floor. LOL!!!!”

We both could hardly laugh softly.

” I decided to try to wake him up.” She says  “I felt bad kinda leaving him there like that so I wake him up enough for him to get into the bathtub. I kind of gave him a little sponge bath. Cleaned him up. He was butt naked at this point. haha I saw his pecker and everything. Then I found him a shirt and put it on him and he slept there.”

I can’t stop laughing.

I asked. “What happened to me?”

She goes “I don’t know. You must have thrown up on the floor. I must have knocked out on the futon or something before that happened.”

So with that lovely little story we both decide to fall asleep.

We slept for about two hours but in the middle of it, I hear the guy weeping and talking on the phone. Crazy.

When we all finally woke up, we started talking about it. The owner of the apartment smirks at us and says “You guys are all disgusting!”

He turns to me, “And YOU! you were the first to go. You threw up in my closet. We tried to clean it up but you just wouldn’t stop blowing chunks it looked like you ate fajitas. then you decided to get comfortable on my floor and I got you a pillow and blanket. We kept trying not to step on you.”

And as everyone talks about their stories, I notice that I don’t feel so well. I turn to my friend, “Girl, I need a trash bag right by me and can you turn that fan on please?” She gets them.

At some point during the conversation everyone notices I don’t feel well. “Isabell are you ok?”  and right there my body gets rid of the rest of the rum.

It was a miserable experience. Funny but miserable.

So we decide to get something to eat and clean later. It took forever to find my shoe. Everyone was in on the effort. We found it. we left.

We go to McDonald’s still feeling nauseous. I get the McNugget meal. Although we went as a group my friend notices that we all had split up once we sat to eat.

“Yo, look at us man,” he says  “We all came here as a group and now we’re all split up, eating by ourselves at McDonald’s trying to come to terms with what happened. hahaha!”

Then this bum with a trench coat comes up to us and is all like  ” I served in the war, I was an Iraqi war veteran and now I’m homeless. If you could spare some change I’d appreciate it.” One of our friends in the group who obviously doesn’t know the uh..protocol to ignore him goes  “Well if you served in the war why don’t you use your G.I. Bill to go get help?” something like that.  Well bum starts grabbing onto something in his trench coat seeming kind of angry, goes up to the guy.  “You see I was also in the CIA” and right when it seems like he was gonna bust out whatever it was McDonald’s girl distracts him and eventually kicks him out.

I’m am still miserable and at this point I’m wimpering a bit.

“I’m shaking.” I said

“That’s normal” they said

“I feel like I’m dying.”

“That’s normal” they said

My guy friend goes “If you were going to die you would’ve by now so don’t worry.”

“I would have wouldn’t I? oh ok. I never had a hangover this bad.”

“Really?”

“No. I’ve always been fine the next day.”

After that we went back, I cleaned my mess and left.

No. I wasn’t dreaming. ..Unfortunately..it was crazy lol

I will never look at rum the same way again. As far as I’m concerned I’m not drinking anymore.

Don’t drink. Just Don’t drink. I’m not a “drinker” and look.

Don’t Ever. lol NO. Seriously.

I can’t describe much more but…

For those who were in on it.

Here’s the story in quotations in random order:

/’s separate the scenes. @ separate the people.

“Why am I sleeping on the floor?”/ “EVERYONE LOOK FOR ISABELL’S SHOE!”/ “I open the door, face down, ass up, pants down around his ankles, passed out….” / “hahahaha!”/ “oh that’s bullshit! you’re gonna drink again.”/ “you guys are a bunch of pussies”/”Does anyone remember everything that happened last night?”/  “Shit everywhere!”/ “Asshole!”/ “You are too nice!”/ ” I kind of gave him a little sponge bath. Cleaned him up.He was butt naked at this point.”/ And YOU! you were the first to go! You threw up in my closet.”/  “You guys are disgusting!”/ “ugh! the smell’s starting to get me sick again!”/ “…he must have fell off the toilet…”/ “..then you got comfortable on the floor.”/ “At least he didn’t shit on the walls.” @ “Actually there was ….shit on the walls.”/ ” Did everyone wake up to his grunts? @ “YES!” @ “I swore he was DYING! I was like oh my God! someone’s about to die.”/ “I can smell the rum! Ugh!”/ “At least you two were responsible enough to puke in the toilet.”/”Do you even want this cup anymore?”/”This was a miserable, miserable experience. It feels like freshman year.”/ “Ok everybody let’s just get ourselves together, go to an IHOP and clean this later. I think we could ALL use the fresh air.”/ ” Oh man. Oh man! We gotta get the fuck out of here. Now!”/ “Fuck my shoe!”/”… Poo in crack.. “/ ” Yo, look at us man, we all came here as a group and now we’re all split up, eating by ourselves at McDonald’s trying to come to terms with what happened. hahaha!”/ ” I was hoping this was a dream. hahaha! It’s not. (long silence)”/ ” Excuse me everybody! could you help me out? I served in the war, was an Iraqi War Veteran and now I’m homeless. If you could spare 50 cents or a dollar I’d greatly appreciate it. ” @ “If you served in the war why don’t you use your G.I. Bill?” @ “Shhh…Don’t”@ “(hands reach in trench coat)  You see I was also in the C.I.A.” @ “Oh shit.”/ “If you guys help clean up, I won’t hate you guys.”/ “What are you a monkey? It’s like a monkey came in and was splatting shit everywhere!” @ “I hate you.” @ “OBVIOUSLY!! Obviously you fucking hate me ….with what you did.”/” I hate gagging myself but I have to do it. I can’t take it anymore.”/ “eww! she didn’t even wash her hands. And she about to touch some buns!”/”What’s this on my coat? Oh my God! NO! how did this get here?! LOOK WHAT YOU DID! YOU SEE THIS?!”/(SOBBING)/ ” Just eat little by little, don’t eat too fast.”/”YOU are not leaving til I can eat off the bathroom floor.”/ “I’m shaking.” @ “That’s normal.” @ “I feel like I’m dying.”@ “That’s normal.” @”If you were going to die you would’ve by now so don’t worry.” @ “I would have wouldn’t I.” @ “Yeah” @  “ok…. I never had a hangover this bad.” @ “Really?”/ “Yes run! Go run!”/ “Thanks for taking care of me.”/

hah-….

…

Never Again…. Ever.

March 5, 2010 | Categories: Poop Talk | Tags: advice, personal stories, Update | Leave A Comment »